


John Watson Just Can't Win.

by kyaticlikestea



Series: John Watson's Blog [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blog, Crack, Humour, John Watson's Blog, John's blog, M/M, a massive troll, no really, sherlock is a troll, troll!sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-20
Updated: 2012-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-05 17:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaticlikestea/pseuds/kyaticlikestea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'If John will insist on leaving his laptop on his desk with a mere system of three passwords, two anti-spambot filters and another two passwords, then really, he’s asking for me to have a bit of fun, isn’t he?'</p><p>Or, in which John hasn't learnt his lesson that no laptop is Sherlock-proof, but does learn never to rely on Mycroft and Lestrade as the cavalry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Watson Just Can't Win.

**April 10th, 2015**

**Bored.**

Bored. Bored, bored, bored. Bored. So very, very bored. 

If John will insist on leaving his laptop on his desk with a mere system of three passwords, two anti-spambot filters and another two passwords, then really, he’s asking for me to have a bit of fun, isn’t he?

I have decided, therefore, to commandeer John’s blog for the day. Yes, I’ve changed the username and password, but let’s not dwell on that; John won’t like it. I like to think I’m doing him a favour. As you may have noticed, I’ve updated the previously dull colour scheme to something far more vibrant and I think you’ll agree that the new profile picture I’ve chosen for John is far more flattering than that close-up he insisted on using before. 

Honestly, I don’t know _why_ I have the reputation of someone cold and uncaring. As I believe I have made very clear, I am, in fact, the polar opposite. 

John often signs off his tedious little posts with a question designed to provoke some debate in the comments section, so: what’s your favourite element of the periodic table?

Laterz.

\- SH

**61 comments**

hahahha excellently done Sherlock  
 **theimprobableone, April 10th, 07:43**

Oh, Sherlock. John’s such a nice man, why do you wind him up so? He’ll give you a right whallop if he’s got any sense in him! It’s Mrs Hudson by the way  
 **Marie Turner, April 10th, 08:31**

Damn bloody right I will!! Sherlock, change the password back RIGHT NOW and I’ll consider not incinerating all the severed feet in the fridge.  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 09:28**

There is no Sherlock here, only me, John Watson.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 09:32**

oh you reply to him  
 **theimprobableone, April 10th, 09:35**

Sherlock, this isn’t funny. Please. Find some other way to occupy yourself that won’t make me look like a complete tit.  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 09:38**

Don’t worry John, he’s the only who looks like a complete tit here.  
 **Anderson, April 10th, 09:42**

Thanks, Anderson…  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 09:44**

Oh bollocks, it’s Sally  
 **Anderson, April 10th, 09:47**

There, that’s better  
 **Anderson, April 10th, 09:47**

BOLLOCKS  
 **Anderson, April 10th, 09:47**

OK, got it.  
 **Sally Donovan, April 10th, 09:49**

I’m so very bored. I know, I’ll redecorate the living room!  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 09:57**

SHERLOCK HOLMES, is this really what you’re reduced to when I can’t find any cases for you?? Jesus, I’ll murder someone myself if it saves poor John from this Hell  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 10:06**

Sherlock isn’t here! Can’t you read, Greg? See, I know your name is Greg! I must be John!  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 10:09**

You know my name is Greg. You call me Greg all the time. Don’t make me send Mycroft down there  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 10:11**

Please don’t send mummy, I’ll do anything not to have to sit on the naughty step again.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 10:14**

YOU’VE MADE MY BLOG BRIGHT PINK, SHERLOCK. BRIGHT BLOODY PINK. AND ARE THOSE BUTTERFLIES IN THE HEADER? JESUS CHRIST  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 10:18**

I was summoned by what sounded like the tears of all those poor people you’ve blinded with this new layout, Sherlock. Would you like me to pay you a visit?  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 10th, 10:24**

Go away.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 10:25**

No.  
 **Mycroft, April 10th, 10:26**

Yes.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 10:26**

Stop impersonating John and I’ll consider it.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 10th, 10:27**

This is like watching paint dry  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 10:29**

I’m going to go and staple my forehead to something  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 10:30**

You should try it, Sherlock. It’s genuinely a more productive way of relieving boredom than what you’re doing  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 10:34**

SHERLOCK HOLMES YOU GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHERS LAPTOP THIS INSTANT HE HAS VERY IMPORTANT PERSONAL FILES ON THERE  
 **Harry, April 10th, 11:03**

Does he, now?  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 11:24**

Harry!!  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 11:35**

Oh my. The things I have learnt today. The things I have learnt. I thought I was intelligent before, but now…  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 13:39**

You’re being a prat, Sherlock.  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 13:46**

Haha this looks like you’re talking to yourself John! You know I once had a cat who did that I think she used to purr a lot when noone was stroking her and then someone kicked her and she stopped purring and died xxxxxx  
 **Molly Hooper, April 10th, 13:49**

Oh Molly :( I can relate, as you may know my dog Flumpy died about a year ago and it was very sad I am always here if you need to talk  
 **Mike Stamford, April 10th, 14:02**

:)  
 **Molly Hooper, April 10th, 14:05**

:)  
 **Mike Stamford, April 10th, 14:08**

See, John? Our senseless sparring has brought together a young couple under the umbrella of love. You can’t say I’m not having a productive day.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 14:17**

Oh we’re not a couple haha xxxx  
 **Molly Hooper, April 10th, 14:23**

You’re not young either, and yet I said it. Hmm.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 14:37**

John!! I am only 35!! xxx :(  
 **Molly Hooper, April 10th, 14:41**

IT’S NOT ME!  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 14:59**

Who are you???xx  
 **Molly Hooper, April 10th, 15:02**

Oh, for… Molly, I am John. Sherlock has hacked into my main account.  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 15:05**

Don’t worry, John. Lestrade and I are on our way over to 221B to… discuss matters further.  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 10th, 15:08**

ETA approx. 4pm, taking into account congestion near Mr Lestrade’s house.  
 **Anthea?, April 10th, 15:10**

Haha just keep your wig on John, we’ll be there soon! I’m just waiting for Mycroft now at Scotland Yard  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 15:16**

Thank God. I am never spiking your drinks with rohypnol again.  
 **John Watson, April 10th, 15:20**

THAT WAS NOT ME  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 15:22**

I DID NOT DO THAT  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 15:31**

MYCROFT?  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 15:46**

LESTRADE?  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 15:58**

It’s 4pm, please say you’re with Sherlock and you’ve got him to see sense  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 16:11**

I don’t even care if you’ve beaten him up and thrown him in a ditch; I just want control over my life again  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 16:27**

Mycroft?! Lestrade?!  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 16:39**

arkjhr4k23;s  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 16:42**

f’;o2r34rdltkd  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 16:59**

kgwerjweeeeeeeeeeeeex  
 **Lestrade, April 10th, 17:04**

The car is delayed in traffic. That’s what I’ve been told to tell you.  
 **Anthea?, April 10th, 17:09**

lelrgt3p;333333333333333  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 10th, 17:27**

wen are oiknt our way!!!!  
 **Mycroft Holmes, April 10th, 17:59**

I am never getting this blog back, am I?  
 **[Guest: John Watson], April 10th, 18:30**

Nope.  
 **Sherlock Holmes, April 10th, 18:59**


End file.
